i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
