your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
