As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
