Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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