She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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