I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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