my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
