I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
