He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
