I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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