I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
