he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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