Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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