she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
