I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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