MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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