so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
