dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
