I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Duck Duck Cougar?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
