I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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