Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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