The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
