If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
