someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
