God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
