Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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