i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
