i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
