I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
