Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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