id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
