Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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