Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
