I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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