Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
