I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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