So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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