i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
