how can u be prego again
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
