Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
