Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
