You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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