Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
