Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
