Sry I called you an 8
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
