I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
