I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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