It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
