i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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