at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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