I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
