well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
