So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
