I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
soo... how was my night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
