No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
