Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
