4 words: hood of his car
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
